Identity Crisis

As I tried to read my South Korea guidebook for my next trip to Seoul in April, I began to feel “strange.”  The highlights of places to visit, where to shop, what to do, etc, seemed so very foreign to me.  I felt uncomfortable somehow, and I realized that if I wasn’t going there with my brother, I would feel completely lost.  This feels very strange to admit as I would have no problem at all going solo to anywhere in Europe, Africa, or even the Middle East.   Although my identity crisis started long ago, I am being reminded again how we just want to fit in this world.   If we ever feel different, sometimes that is the most uncomfortable feeling in the world.

I was born in Seoul and came to the States when I was eight years old.   I never fit in where I was born because I was about 12 inches taller than all the other kids, and I remember everyone staring at me.  When I came to the States, everyone stared at me as well because I was the first Asian (along with my brother) in the school.  But I didn’t mind the stares this time because I wasn’t made to feel like a freak as I was forced to feel in Seoul.  Here in the U.S. I was stared at because the kids were intrigued by the new kid in school, and they didn’t know quite how to take me because I couldn’t even speak a word of English.  Somehow, though, I felt accepted because I was new and interesting so, of course, I felt more comfortable with the American kids.  Besides, even with the language barrier I felt more accepted here, in America, than when I was in Seoul.  Yes, I could write volumes and volumes about my identity crisis growing up in the U.S. so I will just sum up by saying that, bottom line, I felt more comfortable as an American than a Korean.  Still do…

So going back “home” will, for sure, be full of adventure.  And insight.  As my memories of Seoul, for some reason, are in black in white in my mind, it is strange for me to read the travel books in color.  It seems as though the distant memories of my childhood are trying to refocus, make sense, perhaps, from a dull gray to color.  As I still try to fit in as an adult, here, in America, I hope that my travel to Seoul will allow me to have more insight into my identity crisis.  Because I always return from a trip with profound insights about life and/or the world, I am very hopeful that I will enjoy my travel to Seoul.  As with all the trips that I embark on, this journey seems too far away…


A Korean restaurant in Prague?
I took this photo (notice the selfie in window)
because it seemed to be out of place to me.


About Blogatrixx

I took a solo trip to Istanbul in May, 2012 that changed me forever. It started my passion for travel, and it also ignited my passion for photography. This blog was created to express and appreciate the beauty of life through my travels.
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